My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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