Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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