Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just invented taco cereal.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
