I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
there is glitter all over my balls
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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