I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
