Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
