oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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