Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
one might say we're banned from that church
now i know why i became what i already was.
Do vagina's smell?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
