I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
