i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
