Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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