I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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