i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize