But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Will you blow on my dice?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
