I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
