im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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