So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
