I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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