Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
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Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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