I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
