It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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