I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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