And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
