i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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