If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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