i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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