almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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