hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
