Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
