You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
