Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
