I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
