Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
