You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
