PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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