what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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