Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
