Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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