my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize