I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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