When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
