i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
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