The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
