Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
