why didn't you poke me back
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
