The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
