girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
