Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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