I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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