Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
