My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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