I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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