true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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