I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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