If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
