So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
