I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
