Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
