i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
