there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
