this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
