apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
