Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
