if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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