Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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