K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
