I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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