Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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