Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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