I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
