i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
