so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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