Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can text with my tongue
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize