no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
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dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.