So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.