Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won