Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS