I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?