I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
