Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
