Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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